its just bloody stupid that all these are happening because of some stupid feud that you guys are bringing into camp. seriously. its only day 0 and things are going to fall apart because of lack of communication and lack of trust. really? is this the best that you can do? no wonder i'd rather be with NPSU. at least, we know how to think with our heads and talk it out, without bringing personal feuds into your common goal; making this camp a success.

and, thats also another reason why societies shouldnt bring in other course people when obviously, when they come to 'observe', words will spread.

its just plain stupid of the seniors to bring them in for their personal reasons.

i'm trying very hard to stay neutral when it comes to EE society. because of who i am in the society. i'm trying very hard to stay that way. but god bless me when i start to fray from the greyish zone, where feuds are easily second to none.

still, no matter how, i'll just endure the last few months and go on to where i really rather be.

and god bless me. cos i'm freaking disgusted with whatever's going on. be it nudity or just bare guts to flash yourself. it is disgusting and i'm really gonna be outta here once i'm able to because i dont want to taint my eyes and my soul.

really. its not necessary and there ARE people who're not comfortable with it.

 thanks taoguang, josh, caiqin and amirul for everything..

no know knows exactly how i feel now... :/ i'm not done loving you yet.. i know we can continue.. just whether you're willing to make the effort to.

funny how people claim then know you when they dont really understand your past at all. that's what i realised ever since i've stepped into poly. yes. they are friends i want to keep for a very long time, maybe even into adulthood or whatsoever. but they just dont understand what made me, the person i am now. my past.

my past, molded me into who i am now. yes. they might be the past but still, they are what mold me to who i am now.

swimming used to be a big part of my life. until the leg problem, temporary paralysis when what i needed at the time was adrenaline rush. sigh. just how much i've missed it and how much i hated it. love hate relationship i guess? sigh. whatever. shall get on with my life again..

Lately i've been.. out of sort.. its up to a point that i've didn't see it coming. i've been angsty, frustrated, sad, cynical, sarcastic.. very emotional. and i keep telling myself, its because of a loss, which gave me a reason to act like this.

May wasn't a very good month.. Sure, the month went by quickly. But having to visit the hospital 5 times this month, isn't a good thing at all. I've lost a very dear aunt, I've got a normal MRI scan result, which means i might have to go for surgery to find out what exactly was causing my knee to hurt, many chaotic stuff have been happening, I have to adjust once again to housing arrangement, I just dont know how to keep myself up together anymore.

It's tiring. Trying to hold myself up, but in the end breaking down because the only place where i can fully let my guard down 100% is at home, is now again, intruded by someone which i really dont like. To me, a home is defined as a place where i can rest peacefully, and be 100% off guard. But now, I have to be on guard even at home. I dont like it. Heck, i cant even call this a home now.. its just a house. I know it sounds cruel, but its really now a shelter for me to close my eyes late at night.

And because of this, it became a very big deal to me, and i took it out on my mom, who didnt tell me that that guy was moving in temporarily, to make sure his brother studies, and i didnt have time to adapt to the new horrid changes, and having very heated conversations with my mom and jonathan, in the end, breakdown.

In school, chaos within happening this week. Just like this, I tried to bring up my best front, be guarded, but yet, i've gotten very frustrated, cynical, sarcastic, quiet, out of sort and a little vulgar.

I hate it. i really do. i'm really tired of me being like this. i want to stop. i really want to.

I came across this blog.. and was very entertained. For this, i must applaud this infamous blogger for her strong command in english, SELF CONFIDENCE and usage of vulgarities, despite her previous position as a teacher. Thank you for sparking my sense of sacarsm to express my gratitude for my time well spent in reading your highly amusing blog posts.

I must clarify that I am not a hater, and I most certainly, dont qualify for all 13 of your lame qualifications, and i am lazy to even post this on your blog. Mainly because these are my thoughts, my feelings. And also why I'm posting on my blog.

As much as i try not to judge people, a blog is where people express their feelings, emotions and thoughts. And for that, sometimes its the thoughts that shape the personality. and really, the way you express yourself really reflect your personality. What is the point of doing all these when clearly those kids out there are trying to avoid you already?

Certain people dont allow you to meet those kids were to protect them and also, TRYING TO SAVE YOUR IMAGE AS WELL. What is the point of posting up all their replies and emails to you when you obviously didn't wake up from their efforts to wake you up?

And yes. You may be right in saying that there's nothing wrong in having fantasies about those kids that you're a BIG fan of, obviously you've scared them. Why pollute their mind further? Dont go ask why its wrong. They are still growing up.

Your level of self confidence is definitely commendable. BUT! Its going overboard, to the extent where it can really be compared to medusa. ;D you know what I mean.

Not going to comment anymore. but leave it to you guys to guess who i'm talking about. A clue would be.. a stomp article on "girls, DATE ACSi boys. HCI are ugly."

okay! i'm guilty for not updating these few months. but hey! its a well spent holiday with NPSU and the freshies :) been quite busy with camps, gatherings and stuff. though something bad happened on the 9th.. but. i shall stop harping on the matter. what's gone is gone.. i cant do anything about it.

but something about unlucky, made me kinda.. =/ these days. i dont know. its just this feeling. but i shant rant it here.. =P

i'm not emo. just an occasional feeling of being scared that things might happen. but hey. i might be overthinking.

[Overthinking might lead to something bad. So stop such negativity] - from i forgot who.

yeap.. true. i think i might be feeling the effects of overthinking.. so.. i shall stop :) and get back to the usual happy go lucky me :) no more unlucky :) hehehhh

just when my week is starting to look better, a quarrel have to set in.

its not like i want to have this injury. if i could, i would definitely want to go back to dec07 to prevent myself from falling down hard on the pedestrian stone.

its not that i dont want to do my part in the family for chinese new year preparation. but you should understand when i told you that i have a leg injury, i cant remove the shellings for the willow plant. one reason, i cant stand for long with both my legs handling my weight.

you told me to sit and remove the shellings. i would if i'm tall enough. but i'm not. you challenged me to sit and remove. fine. i walked over to get the thing started, you start to tell me to forget it, you'll do the job.

thanks dad. for injecting guilt into me. guilty for not doing my part, guilty that i'm even injured in the first place.

you've got the same injury as me years ago, why cant you understand?

i dont like to quarrel with you guys. especially when the hateful knee have to come into the picture.

thats why i hate to be injured. thats why i hate being injured. and i hate myself for getting injured.

fuck damn it. i just have to receive this kind of news uh.
i've already told myself not to think back into the past. especially those 4 years where i've experienced quite enough of everyday society life, and now, for once, i really want to go back and get things back up.

firstly, for the past 10 years. We've maintained and managed so hard, we've worked so hard to keep the standard of the house, to keep fighting, not for you to tear it down. when we made our decision to pass on the baton to you, it means we're passing on our hardwork and trust to you, in hope that you will do the same to keep it up.

you're captain, for goodness sake. when you're under esther, me and vanessa as committee, i told you guys before, be prepared to chiong during the peak period. house practises are important! and what is this i'm hearing?

we seniors have to graduate. we have to leave one day. and we did. after graduation, we'll be super busy with our own stuff. and are you still going to depend on us?!

think about.